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#30DaysOfPoetry #NovemberPoetryChallenge (Part 1/5)

November 7, 2018

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#30DaysOfPoetry #NovemberPoetryChallenge (Part 1/5)

November 7, 2018

For the month of November, I will be keeping a “poem diary” of sorts for my own personal #30DaysOfPoetry #NovemberPoetryChallenge. I will be publishing all pieces in short installments via this blog. Maybe it's good, maybe it's not, but I guess I'll never know if I don't put it out there. 

 

Poetry is significantly more personal to me than songwriting and it shows when I write. I have an emotionally challenging month ahead so I figured I should make good use of it in more ways than one.

 

NOVEMBER 1ST

"Spectrum"

 

There's a tornado inside my head

I lose my ground in shades of red

But rose colored glasses destroy and delay

The inevitable storm of guilt and shame

 

I must acknowledge the rainbow

Light up the truth with a flash of yellow

Victory in hints of green

As I convince myself to intervene

 

It's okay to feel the blues

The lightest and boldest emotional hues

The purple floods my soul tonight

As the anger and sadness join to unite

 

But I won't run away

I'll allow myself to feel

I can't separate

From the things that are real

I won't dissociate

And I won't let them down

I promised I would change

And I'm proving it now

 

And suddenly, I see the bigger picture

As the prisms in my blood

Decipher all the colors

And process the pressure

That's eating at my eyes

And slamming through my skull

Coercing me to hide

Begging me to explode

But I won't

 

I will fight through the pain

And battle through the madness

As the rainbow cackles in my direction

But after years you've witnessed go to waste

You learn the battles you must not chase

 

I would rather shut it down

With a manifested curse

So here's to my spectrum

For better or for worse

 

NOVEMBER 2ND

"Life's A Bitch"

Life's a bitch

We can't deny it

It sucks

I could scream, I could cry

Get on the ground and lie about it

Or I could be a mother fucking dare devil

Rise above and get riled up about it

Be the badass I see on Pinterest

Move forward through the sludge

No time to regress

When you're focused on winning

And sprinting ahead

 

So here's to the battles

And the weights I bear

No choice but to shred

What I'm not willing to share

I'm a beautiful mess

No perfection to show

But fake love is overrated

When your heart can't find a home

Within your own bones

 

So today, I challenge my insecurities

Call the bluff on my impurities 

It won't happen overnight

And maybe not next year

But I will not fail, not again

I'll scream 'til I'm red in the face

For the whole fucking world to hear

I refuse to disappear

Into my own turmoil created by my brain

I've worked too hard to hang on to being sane

So hear me roar, my heart will reign

As I love myself through the sunshine

and the darkness

And the wind and the droplets

And the silence and the earthquake 

Prepare to shake in disbelief

I refuse to be perfect

But I'm ready to be me

 

 NOVEMBER 3RD

"Breathe"

 

You taught me to love the word

Breathe

Romanticizing your need

To fix me to your liking

And save me from myself

To the point where I no longer know

If what's wrong with my brain

Is fairytale figment

Or brazen reality

 

Inhale

Exhale

Breathe in

Breathe out

Don't cry

Don't shout

You hold me tighter

You douse my fire

And save me from my own precious glow

 

But a little bluebird

Rests on my shoulder

And reminds me,

"That's not how this works."

 

You taught me to hate the word

Breathe

You are not what I need

Or what I want to need

Or what I want to see

Or what I want to be

What good is it

To open my heart and lungs

To tainted air

Poisoned oxygen

Delusional nitrogen 

That will only allow me to

Suffocate

 

But that little bluebird reminds me

That you cannot destroy

Life's gifts

Not like this

You are not my end game

You will not drag me down

To your level of insane

Simply inhumane

But I am breaking from your chains

Something. Needs. To. Fucking. Change.

 

Today I will teach myself to

Breathe

For me and myself

Alone

You cannot take away

What I've been given from birth

For that is out of your hands

And only in the hands of God

And only He will bring me to my knees

I no longer bow to your word.

 

You may know what you're talking about

But you no longer know me

Or my beautiful mind

Or my beautiful soul

My beautiful body

You relinquished control 

As I gained back my freedom

And sought shelter from the cold

 

I will lift my arms to the sky

A powerful queen

A reckless force of nature

Destined to be seen

I will open my mind

To starting anew

For me

It's never too late

To take a step back and

Properly

Breathe

 

NOVEMBER 4TH:
"Tick Tock"

 

Drip drop

Tick tock

I'm sick and tired

But there's so much to do

Bills to pay, things to say

I want to rest, but I must push through

 

Drip drop

Tick tock

The chills devour my body

But there's so much to do

Places to be, people to see

I just want to sleep, but not so soon

 

Drip drop

Tick tock

I'm sweating head to toe

But there's so much to do

I'm dying to live, but what kind of life 

Means pushing yourself to the brink

In the blink of an eye?

 

Drip drop

Tick tock

Pay no mind to the time on the clock

Forget about all that you have to do

Honor your body before your work

For you can't accomplish anything

If your precious shrine cannot be preserved

Your body is a temple, an irreplaceable gift

So take today to take a step back

And take care of yourself first

 

NOVEMBER 5TH:
"Eve"

 

Rain whispers outside my window sill

On this quiet eve

A shadow before the day

To make or break our nation

 

I hear the tears of the ancestors

Who brought life into our soil

Pining as their home is stolen

Right before their eyes