#30DaysOfPoetry #NovemberPoetryChallenge (Part 1/5)
For the month of November, I will be keeping a “poem diary” of sorts for my own personal #30DaysOfPoetry #NovemberPoetryChallenge. I will be publishing all pieces in short installments via this blog. Maybe it's good, maybe it's not, but I guess I'll never know if I don't put it out there.
Poetry is significantly more personal to me than songwriting and it shows when I write. I have an emotionally challenging month ahead so I figured I should make good use of it in more ways than one.
NOVEMBER 1ST
"Spectrum"
There's a tornado inside my head
I lose my ground in shades of red
But rose colored glasses destroy and delay
The inevitable storm of guilt and shame
I must acknowledge the rainbow
Light up the truth with a flash of yellow
Victory in hints of green
As I convince myself to intervene
The lightest and boldest emotional hues
The purple floods my soul tonight
As the anger and sadness join to unite
But I won't run away
I'll allow myself to feel
I can't separate
From the things that are real
I won't dissociate
And I won't let them down
I promised I would change
And I'm proving it now
And suddenly, I see the bigger picture
As the prisms in my blood
Decipher all the colors
And process the pressure
That's eating at my eyes
And slamming through my skull
Coercing me to hide
Begging me to explode
But I won't
I will fight through the pain
And battle through the madness
As the rainbow cackles in my direction
But after years you've witnessed go to waste
You learn the battles you must not chase
I would rather shut it down
With a manifested curse
So here's to my spectrum
For better or for worse
NOVEMBER 2ND
"Life's A Bitch" Life's a bitch
We can't deny it
It sucks
I could scream, I could cry
Get on the ground and lie about it
Or I could be a mother fucking dare devil
Rise above and get riled up about it
Be the badass I see on Pinterest
Move forward through the sludge
No time to regress
When you're focused on winning
And sprinting ahead
So here's to the battles
And the weights I bear
No choice but to shred
What I'm not willing to share
I'm a beautiful mess
No perfection to show
But fake love is overrated
When your heart can't find a home
Within your own bones
So today, I challenge my insecurities
Call the bluff on my impurities
It won't happen overnight
And maybe not next year
But I will not fail, not again
I'll scream 'til I'm red in the face
For the whole fucking world to hear
I refuse to disappear
Into my own turmoil created by my brain
I've worked too hard to hang on to being sane
So hear me roar, my heart will reign
As I love myself through the sunshine
and the darkness
And the wind and the droplets
And the silence and the earthquake
Prepare to shake in disbelief
I refuse to be perfect
But I'm ready to be me
NOVEMBER 3RD
"Breathe"
You taught me to love the word
Breathe
Romanticizing your need
To fix me to your liking
And save me from myself
To the point where I no longer know
If what's wrong with my brain
Is fairytale figment
Or brazen reality
Inhale
Exhale
Breathe in
Breathe out
Don't cry
Don't shout
You hold me tighter
You douse my fire
And save me from my own precious glow
But a little bluebird
Rests on my shoulder
And reminds me,
"That's not how this works."
You taught me to hate the word
Breathe
You are not what I need
Or what I want to need
Or what I want to see
Or what I want to be
What good is it
To open my heart and lungs
To tainted air
Poisoned oxygen
Delusional nitrogen
That will only allow me to
Suffocate
But that little bluebird reminds me
That you cannot destroy
Life's gifts
Not like this
You are not my end game
You will not drag me down
To your level of insane
Simply inhumane
But I am breaking from your chains
Something. Needs. To. Fucking. Change.
Today I will teach myself to
Breathe
For me and myself
Alone
You cannot take away
What I've been given from birth
For that is out of your hands
And only in the hands of God
And only He will bring me to my knees
I no longer bow to your word.
You may know what you're talking about
But you no longer know me
Or my beautiful mind
Or my beautiful soul
My beautiful body
You relinquished control
As I gained back my freedom
And sought shelter from the cold
I will lift my arms to the sky
A powerful queen
A reckless force of nature
Destined to be seen
I will open my mind
To starting anew
For me
It's never too late
To take a step back and
Properly
Breathe
NOVEMBER 4TH: "Tick Tock"
Drip drop
Tick tock
I'm sick and tired
But there's so much to do
Bills to pay, things to say
I want to rest, but I must push through
Drip drop
Tick tock
The chills devour my body
But there's so much to do
Places to be, people to see
I just want to sleep, but not so soon
Drip drop
Tick tock
I'm sweating head to toe
But there's so much to do
I'm dying to live, but what kind of life
Means pushing yourself to the brink
In the blink of an eye?
Drip drop
Tick tock
Pay no mind to the time on the clock
Forget about all that you have to do
Honor your body before your work
For you can't accomplish anything
If your precious shrine cannot be preserved
Your body is a temple, an irreplaceable gift
So take today to take a step back
And take care of yourself first
NOVEMBER 5TH: "Eve"
Rain whispers outside my window sill
On this quiet eve
A shadow before the day
To make or break our nation
I hear the tears of the ancestors
Who brought life into our soil
Pining as their home is stolen
Right before their eyes
Not once, but twice
I hear the shaking of the slaves
Ripped so callously from their homes
Severed from their families
Dubbed inferior to the bone
Of course, that's not true
But for some, that's all they know
I hear the screams of my fellow women
Who are still not viewed as equal
To the men who place their egos
Their wallets and precious agendas
On a pedestal that even
The finest heels can't reach
In 2018
I hear the pleas of a community
Longing for the safety and freedom
To love who they love and be who they are
Without persecution
Coarse intrusion
No ill intent should ever be meant
They just want to know what it's like
To possess the basic human right
To feel alive
I glance at my skin
The palest of white
I look to my lover
A tall blonde man
However sweet,
I'm privileged to be
Pulled to who they dictate
And living as they believe
Who would I be if I felt differently?
If the man on the cross
Wasn't the icon that saved me?
If my skin was of a darker shade?
If I wasn't born with my future made?
Would I feel security?
Or rash impurity?
Would I be allowed to walk this Earth
Feeling worthy?
Would my children be fed?
Would I still have my meds?
Would the blood of others
Be wrongfully penned
On my innocent hands instead?
It's truly impractical to think
That one lone voice
Privileged or silenced
Has any clout on the future
Of a melting pot as broken and divided
As we are in this state
But maybe
Just maybe
That one lone voice
Can make just enough noise
To get the ball rolling
On a stronger tomorrow
Where justice can be served
And love can be celebrated
Without fear inhabiting the way
And if one voice turns to two
And two to four
And four to a million
And then a million more
Maybe we can blow the house down
And bring some reality to the changes
We once thought were impossible
In the midst of the storm
But it starts with one voice
In the middle of the night
Not afraid to admit
Some things just aren't right
Rain whispers outside my window sill
On this quiet eve
A shadow before the day
To make or break our nation
NOVEMBER 6TH: "Dawn"
History has been made
In wake of an eve
That could have seen
Landslide destruction
But with a glimmer of hope
And desire for change
With a call to action
The flickering flame remains
So tonight we celebrate
A full house of many shades
And many new faces
A progressive brigade
Witty and brilliant and savvy and gay
May the odds be ever in our favor
History has been made
All Poems:
(c) Amanda McCarthy. November 2018.
All Photos Courtesy of Pixabay.com
